Bertie here again- it is the moment you have all been waiting for- email 200.
A pinnacle few writers scale- and I have to confess that I am a little nervous about whether my readers will enjoy it as much as I want them to. Because you, my public, are the bubbles in my prosecco, the cheese in my cheesecake, the fish in my finger, the cheese in my cheese string, the fluff in my carpet, the cheese in my cheese, the bang in my cracker- hmm, crackers and cheese- where was I?- the cheese in my cheese and pineapple stick, the ink in my biro and the cheese in my photographed smile.
Which is all to say, that 200 emails is a huge success and I couldn’t have done any of it without you. It is our triumph, our success, our celebration.
News and Forthcoming Events (because this is still a Bertie email and I am known for my amazing usefulness)
It’s not too late to reserve your place at the Legendary Parish Quiz on Saturday night at 7.30 (which replaces, for one week only, Saturday at 4).
See attachment for details. We really need to know on Friday if you want to be part of it.
Telegrams from the great and the good (because it is the 200th edition- in case you hadn’t noticed)
First, a genuine telegram from Jane Kraft:
Bertie the journalist mouse
Lived in a church, not a house.
He wrote news and reports,
On events of all sorts
And set it to music by Strauss
Or he would have done if we were allowed to sing in church.
Congratulations on 200th edition of the covid 19 Bertie emails
“You’re my kind of Churchmouse, Bertie”: Marilyn Monroe
“200 emails? I wrote 200 novels, Bertie- still, well done, I suppose”: Agatha Christie
“What’s an email?”: everyone born before the year 1900
“Well, I would send a message but I don’t believe that you are who you say you are- mice don’t type messages”:
The Archdeacon from Rev (not the nice one we have in Berkshire)
“Gosh, you’re called Bertie and I’m called Bertie too- coincidence? Or fate? Probably coincidence.”: King Edward VII
“I wish that I had achieved as much as you, Bertie”: Leonardo de Vinci
“Me, too”: Alexander the Great
“Me, three”: President Joe Biden
“I saw a mouse on the stairs. A little mouse with clogs on”: All of the people of Amsterdam
“I couldn’t have done it without you- you’re my hero, Bertie”: Mickey Mouse and the entire Disney corporation
“Thank you for everything you have done to keep people’s spirits up during the pandemic- my plan for the future of the Church of England is to swop every priest in the Church for a mouse just like you. Can you come into Lambeth so we can clone your DNA?”: Archbishop Justin Welby (perhaps)
“Skol”: our wonderful link parish in Vaxjo, Sweden
“There should be more statues of you and fewer of me”: Julius Cheeser
“We are a great team- you get people to put on weight from all of those dairy products and I get them fit again and we split the immense profits we make. Dream team.”:
“We are closing the border with Northern Ireland to try to stop you eating all of the cheese in Europe. All of that nonsense about getting enough vaccines was a cover story. You are top of the Interpol list of most wanted because the French Governmentr will collapse immediately if you don’t stop eating Brie now. Stop. Just stop. Please.”:
The EU Commission
“Bertie, thank you. Just that. It is always a pleasure to work with you and thank you for being such a great mentor and encourager and such a patient and forgiving friend. Have a cracker.”: Fr Richard
It may be that a few telegrams have been delayed so do send them on if you find any…
Bits and bobs
Have you watched the joyous video by Harry Styles yet- Treat people with kindness. If you haven’t you really must.
Catchy and elegant and basically hugely chirpy:
Remember the challenge Richard gave everyone on Sunday in the Notices- order an extra box of chocolates or biscuits when you shop online or add them to your trolley, put a note on the front saying “Just because…” or “Thank you” and tiptoe up someone’s drive, watching out for tripwires and sausage dogs, put it down and scamper away.
Here is a Quiz page in preparation for Saturday night, sent in by Jane Kraft- enjoy!
Our collection for the RBH and other NHS centres has made Wokingham Today: (front page of their website): thanks to Jean Vaughan for organising so much of it, and for everyone who has donated goods and sent notes of appreciation.
A Poem extract for Candlemas, sent in by Teri Austen:
And finally… a prayer for those working in Hospitals, from Fr Tony Kemp
Loving and caring God, we thank you for calling women and men to the ministry of healing;
For those working in hospitals as doctors, nurses, support teams and chaplains.
May they be aware and responsive to your guidance as they perform their duties of care
Restoring patients to health and wellbeing with attentiveness, empathy and altruism.
Look upon them with compassion as they struggle in times of stress and unrelenting pressure.
Give them wisdom, resilience, and reassurance as they accompany those on the edge of life;
May those breathing their last in states of fear, anguish and isolation be reassured by the –
Security of your love and generosity manifest in the dedication of your servants here on earth. Lord God, we pray in the name of Jesus, our healer. Amen.